Archive | March, 2009

Ok… So I’m a pisces?

30 Mar

Thats my excuse for being so emotional, sensative, wishy-washy, and blah, just emotional and retarded. When something bad happens I’m always thinking the worst, and I’m always quick to end stuff. I need to learn to just calm down and think things out and take it slow. Relationships have their ups and downs. But for the past month its been nothing but ups and downs, I feel like Im riding a dick. But I’m willing to fight for what I want and I’m not gonna lose the man I’m in love with. I’m a stubborn person, and I’ll get what I want. I just gotta learn how to be in love.. I’m new at it, but I’m gonna start making big changes in the way I deal with all the bumps in the road, starting right now.

Oh and p.s. I dunno why I picked this picture, or why it looks like this woman has cellulite on her upper coochie.. It was just different, and I liked it… Not the cellulite on the coochie.. but the picture.. ahh nevermind, good night.

Alone in Love

28 Mar

I cant even begin to express how I feel. I thought I had found the man I wanted to spend my life with, and then this happens, and everything comes crashing down. Well, I dont want to say crashing down. It has been crumbling for a little while now. I feel like I’m so in love and he doesnt care enough. I feel like maybe I loved too much, if thats even possible. I dont know what to do. I feel helpless, worthless, hurt, betrayed, lied to, uncared about, disappointed, and the list goes on. He has the nerve to say, “I love you and I want to be with you. Maybe your right, we should move on I think you will be happier.” Who are you to tell me whats gonna make me happy? Cuz if my memory serves me right, it was YOU that made me happy for the past year. YOU and thats it. Nothing else. So what do I do now? Where do I go from here? Im lost. Im heartbroken.

Always and Forever…

18 Mar

Im 20 years old and I feel that I have already found the man I wanna spend the rest of my life with. It scares me and it frequently enters my mind that a person hardly ever spends their life with the first person they fell hardest for or actually fell in love with. I’ve never been in a relationship like the one I’m in now. I’ve never been heart broken and I’ve never been so emotional and passionate about a relationship before. I’ve never cared at all, let alone this much. It’s scary, even more so than I can express. I want things to work out cuz I dont know what I would do without him. All I know is I would do anything for him. He’s always on my mind. He’s the one thats got me up at 3 am just thinking about the future and how things are gonna work out. He’s the one thats got my heart.

I really do feel like women get into relationships deeper and faster than men do. We go on one date and we get home like, “I can see myself with him forever” or we’re already planning the wedding. I think it’s all just in our nature and in our blood to just feel a certain way, a different way than a man would. Which is why I think we take it harder when it comes crashing down. Now lemme just say, I’m not speaking for all women at all. I know there are some of you strong women out there that date like a man so you dont get played like a bitch and what not…. I swear I use to be like that. I just didnt care about a date or a good night kiss.. but now I’m completely different. And you dont realize how special a simple kiss is until you’re in a long distance relationship and you dont get kisses every night 😦 I’m telling you its horrible!
Relationships and love are just scary, not to mention marriage. Vowing to spend your ENTIREEEE life with one person. Thinking that you and that one person are gonna get along FOREVER?.. Damn, that takes a lot. I dont believe in divorce, so once I’m married, that’s it. Like my parents for example. They were married for 15 years, got divorced, and now they are back together. Not happily but they are back together. It’s crazy. They alwaysss fight and bicker like a married couple, but somehow it’s different. It’s not how a married couple should act. Growing up around all the arguments and fighting has shown me what I definitely do not want when I get married, and I try to tell my sisters that the relationship my parents have isn’t a healthy one.
“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”-Thoreau
But anyways… I’m off to bed.. good night!

Soooo, I’ve really been thinking about it…

17 Mar

I went to meet with a recruiter from the United States Navy and I cant say that I was disappointed. He told me everything I wanted to hear and some things that I really didn’t but the things I didn’t wanna hear weren’t so bad. Im 20 years old and have nothing to show for it. I went to beauty school, and didnt finish. I dont have a job, IM A BUM!!!! Something I would be interested in doing is something in law enforcement. And the navy has jobs in law enforcement so I could be doing that and learning about what I wanna do when I get out and be getting paid at the same time. Four years in the navy is nothing really. I think I could definitely do it. As long as I have no commitments back home ::hint::hint::… but only time will tell. I cant keep putting my life on hold and do nothing but wait and wait and wait. If actions were being taken I would do everything I could to stay and make it work… But enough about that.

Heart Broken

15 Mar

Die, went home alone.. HALT, who goes there? …the shot wasn’t strong enough, air ball… I have a lot to say but it wouldn’t be fair to write a blog on the raw emotions that I’m feeling now, it would be mostly filled with anger. So I’ll wait…

Uh Ohhhhh!!..

14 Mar

Today is do or die time. Go big or go home alone. Today everything will either all begin or come to a screeching HALT!.. Buzzer beater, will he make it?!

Details coming tomorrow!

I Just Wanna Be…

9 Mar

“Never looking back, or too far infront of me… The present is a gift, and I just wanna BE.” – Common

Thats gotta be one of my favorite quotes from a Common song EVER! And I never really understood them till I listened to the song tonight. Right now in my life I just wanna BE. I just want to do what I gotta do and take everything in and not have to deal with bullshit and disappointment anymore. I want things to work out for me. I want people to say they are gonna do something and then do it. I want to find a way to make my parents proud of me. I want to finally just grow up and do me. I want people in my life that are gonna support me and help me and not hold me back. I want to come back to Pittsburgh and chill with friends and actually have shit to talk about and hear stories about how they’re bettering their lives instead of talking about old high school shit. I just want things to be different. I wanna start doing more for other people. I want to start seeing a change around me. I’m sick of the same enviroment. I wanna stop being so naive and realize just because I’m giving someone X amount of chances, doesn’t mean its gonna work out in my favor. I just want change. I just really wanna BE.