Archive | February, 2009

Last Days of a 19 Year Old…

24 Feb

Sooo. I escaped California, and I’m back in Pittsburgh. I’m still waiting on all my clothes to come. They probably wont get here until like Saturday or Monday. But I need them like NOWWW!..

But before I left for California, I had my own bedroom. And now that I moved back in with my parents they’ve rearranged everything. Both my younger sisters have their on rooms now. So I’m stuck rooming with my 11 year old sister. She has 2 twin beds in her room and I’ve got one of them. I’ve never had to sleep in a twin bed before and OMG, its horrible and uncomfortable. But I guess I have no room to be picky. So hopefully soon I’ll either be living on my own or out somewhere else.

Right now, I am dog-sitting. I dont understand why you cant just leave the bitch in the cage all day while you’re out. Blah. But its whatever. I had to spend an hour with the maids this morning and they were hilarious. Just grumpy old women and their son.

SUNDAY IS THE DAYYY!!! I will no longer be a teenager 😦 … This isn’t like a big birthday but it is. I feel old and I dont like it. I feel like I need to start cracking down and grow up, which sucks and I’m not ready for it. But we’ll see how that goes.

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SMH @ Airport Security…

22 Feb

I was goin through security last night and they made me take off my hoody. It wasnt like it was a big hoody, but they made me take it off. I was about to not wear nothing under it but thank God I changed my mind. And then I had my haircutting shears in my carry on, which was dumb cuz I usually put them in my checked bags, but they like had to pull me off to the side, open up my shit and undo all my stuff and then they were like “ok, the blades aren’t that long, you can keep these.” I was like wow, ok thanks, now I’m gonna miss my flight cuz you had to be a smut wrangler.

And then I get on the plane and its completely full. I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep. I get on the plane find my seat and its right next to this HUGE man. He looked like Big from Rob & Big, or like Ruben Studdard. He should have had to buy 2 seats. I got stuck in between him and some woman. This man was sittin on my lap and talking to me about the arabs sitting infront of us. I didnt sleep at all, omggg!

BUT IM HOMEEEE! And I couldnt be happier. I slept like 12 hours today and it felt amazing but nows its 3 am and I cant sleep anymore. Oh well…

Last Night in California…

20 Feb

Its my last night in California and I cant be happier. My mom got into Los Angeles last night and of course she’s been nagging me since she got here. Its good to have her here but DAMNNN!.. My flight doesnt leave until 11 pm so I got all day. I gotta finish packing and then everyone wants to go down to Hollywood or something for the rest of the day. Blah, I can do without that. But once I get home, I’ll be sooo happy. I get to see my family and my bubby bear and everyone else. But this is my last post from California. Sooo, I’ll get up with yall when I get home 🙂

Am I to Blame?

16 Feb

I have noooo idea what has been wrong with me lately. I’ve really been feeling like I’m going crazy. Maybe it’s just the pressure of moving all my shiet back to the east coast or something but damn. I honestly think I’m like mental institution type crazy. Just one minute I’m happy, the next I’m sad, the next minute I’m mad, and then I’m just like chill. And when I’m chill I just sit back and think WHAT THE FLUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUUU?! I have conversations with myself, definitely not out loud, thats too insane, but just to myself. You know when you’re just sittin back like “pull yourself together, what are you doing?” Thats really what I have been doing for the past like month at least. Taking my frustration or whatever it is out on EVERYONE, no exclusions.

But then it hits me last night. Maybe its not me going crazy. Maybe it’s just everyone around me going crazy. *I dont know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t like to take blame or responsibility for myself until I have to.* So anyways, like I was saying. Everyone around me is crazy. And thats the way it is.

So I basically got all my clothes and stuff packed up, ready to go back home. I’m sooo excited! And I’ll be home for my 20th birthday, whhaaaatttt?! Ahh, I cant wait. I’m just hoping my plane doesnt crash, or float into any body of water. I heard hyperthermia is a bitch. I usually dont get this nervous about flying until I’m like at the airport and shit, but with all these crazy planes flying into houses and rivers, I dunno what to think. But I’m sure I’ll be good.

And on Thursday I’m going to the Ellen Degeneres Show!! I’m pretty excited about that. And my mom is coming out to Cali on Wednesday, so I’ll get to show her around a little bit before I leave. Then Friday night, IM OUTTT! Thank God!

HALT!

16 Feb

Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck in Ugg boots? WHATTTTT!? I’m glad yall died in Armageddon.

WHATTTT?! You shoulda save them shits for the White Chicks, they dont look good on youu. BYAAAAH!

Body Image…

8 Feb

… Yes, I said body image fellas. So you can just click the X up in the right hand corner. This wouldn’t interest you. I recently read a blog on here called Curvaceous In The City. Of course the name caught my attention and upon coming to the blog I heard her very well put together play list. So, as I was jamming out to Ashlee Simpson – Beautifully Broken, I started reading the blogs at the bottom of the page and worked my way up. Her blogs really hit home for me. Not only because she states that she isn’t comfortable with her body but she also comes to say that she’s afraid that she’ll never know the feeling of a man’s hugs and kisses, except in her dreams, because of her body. There was a time in my life where I definitely felt that way. Not because of the way my body looked but because of the way that I acted. All through my life I was active in sports. I would hang out with guys and had crushes but it never went anywhere. I guess in my eyes I was just a tomboy. I felt like I didnt act as feminine as all the other girls. It was then that I tried to change myself and the way I acted to try and impress boys. (which was dumb, not only did it not work but it made myself look really stupid).. So I gave that up. Summer after graduating high school something just clicked for me. I was done seeing everyone from high school and I knew that my life was actually starting, and I could start my life the way I wanted to.

And when I say tomboy please dont get it twisted. I wasn’t so bad, my legs were shaved, I wore bras, I had put on dresses before (only for basketball and softball banquets, but thats besides the purpose, they were on), and I had kissed boys and what not, but damn.

We’ll get back to that. This is suppose to be about body image but now the blog is all over the place like One Night in Paris…

I remember being like 11 or 12 and going to the little community pool with some friends. I take off my shirt and shorts that were covering my bathing suit and went to the deep end to get the party started. Three little boys from my class started yelling, “OMG she has a six pack!”

*Umm, just a little side question. When was having a six pack ever bad?!?!

Ok needless to say.. I was devastated. 15 minutes later everrrrryone was saying it and all I wanted to do was leave. I’m sure my only comeback was, “your mother has a six pack.” I know my comeback game wasn’t as tight 9 or 10 years ago. I barely knew what a sixpack was but I did know all the little boy’s mothers and they all resembled cows. So what the fuck ever.

Life went on and I grew up and got boobies and all the boys forgot about my sixpack. 10 years later here I am. Still not completely comfortable with my body but not motivated enough to change it. The six pack is gone and I want it back LOL. I’m pretty sure that day at the pool scarred me for life. It was the day that I noticed that OTHER PEOPLE noticed my body as well. Please believe, I will never become someone that just lets themselves go. Not only is it disrespectful to yourself, but I feel its disrespectful to your partner. Of course, the person you love and that loves you is suppose to love you the way you are and take you as you are and all that but damn, dont push the limits. I have a boyfriend that loves my body and my curves and everything that comes with it, and I love him for that.

Lately I’ve been obsessing over my body. Just going crazy. Thinking it just wasn’t good enough. But reading Curvaceous blog and writing this one has made me realize that you have to love your body. Big or small, curves or bones, rib cages and stretchmarks, cellulite or… ok ok… that’s enough. You just have to love it and be comfortable with it. No one’s body is perfect and no one’s body is the same, so embrace yours or let somebody else embrace it.. ya dig?! 🙂

Damn…

1 Feb

In a good 12 hours, I’ll be blogging about how my precious, but yet tough and talented Steelers won their 6th superbowl :)…

Hope yall watch the game and if your cheering for the Cardinals… Eat a dick and die…BYAHHHHH