Leaving the Left Coast.. Gotta get right…

Im heading back home for good on February 21st!!! So yall dont gotta hear me bitch and complain about being in Cali anymore. 🙂

Knowing Johnny…

Dad came home from the store and said that he saw someone he knew in bad shape while he was out. I asked him about it but he told me to mind my own business. So I leave the room, still being able to hear the conversation he was having with my mother. He tells her that someone he knew was coming out of the store with a bag of dog food. His friend proceeds to say, “I dont know whose going to get more of this, me or the dog.” I sit in disbelief of what my father was saying. A person eating dog food? WHAT?! After being sneaky and nosey at the same time I come to find out that my dad knew this man’s mother. She had gotten sick and passed away 10 years ago. Her son took it very hard because he was the one taking care of her. With no one else in his family left he began drinking, lost jobs, and was on the verge of losing the house he once shared with his cancer stricken mother.

A week or so went by and it seemed as though my mother and I both had forgotten about the friend my father had mentioned. As we sit in the living room, watching Entertainment Tonight my father walks into the house. We hear another man’s voice as well. He steps into the living room and annonces himself along with his friend. The man had on a long black coat that had turned grey from dirt and lots of ware. His shoulder length blond hair was covered by a hat, and his big toe, only covered by grey socks poked out of the front of his torn shoe. His eyebrows were long enough to cover over his eyelids like a Yorkshire Terrier. His name was Johnny and I was a bad ass kid who wanted to crack on him as soon as I laid eyes on him. But as my mother warmly greeted him and thanked him for coming over, it hit me. I knew this was the friend my father was talking about. It was almost dinner time and I figured Johnny would be joining us.

We sat down for dinner. There was a little bit of an awkward silence as we began eating but of course I had to start asking questions. I had never been around anyone like Johnny before. I didnt know how he would act. The only words I heard him speak were “hello” and “thank you.” When asking him questions I heard myself asking them slowly, partly because I didnt know what to ask and also because I didn’t know if he would understand me. I could tell Johnny was older. Maybe mid 60’s to maybe early 70’s. I come to find out that he was a cook in the army when he was younger. He served in WWII. He was very intelligent also. Went to school and studied some sort of English Literature but he didn’t like it. He loved to cook. He was never married, didnt have any kids but he did have a dog named Chloe.

Johnny became a fimilar face around the house. He didnt have a car but my father would pick him up 3 to 4 times a week so he could eat dinner with us. On the nights he didnt join us for dinner we would take over a plate to his house. My mother convinced Johnny to start going to AA meetings and even bought him a bus pass, just incase we weren’t able to take him. And he went. Atleast 5 times a week. When you attend AA meetings you recieve a coin for every month that you’re sober. Johnny would give his coins to my little sisters. By this time he had gotten his hair cut AND his eyebrows trimmed and he looked like a new man.

Christmas eve of 05 came around and Johnny was celebrating with my family. We invited him as a guest but he insisted that he wouldn’t come unless we let him help cook. My mother definitely didnt dispute that, she was more than happy to accept any help she could get around the kitchen. I remember sitting in the dinning room watching them cook and Johnny comes up to me and says, “what’s wrong with you when your nose runs and your feet smell?” Me not knowing the answer replies, “what?” “Well then your built upside down.” I rolled my eyes and gave a fake laugh but he was cracking up, along with my little sisters. He should have directed the joke at them instead of me. Maybe then I would have laughed.

Around May of 06, Johnny decided to sell his house and move into an apartment. He had gotten a job as a cook at a local restaurant and he figured with the money he got there and money he got from selling the house he could live a little better in a smaller place. We helped Johnny move in and everything was going great. He would call us all the time, even stop over for dinner. He never stopped telling us how grateful he was for helping him turn his life around. He actually called us his angels.

One night in late May I was sitting in the dinning room talking on the phone. Johnny calls in and I see it on the caller ID but I ignore the call and continue on with my conversation. 10:30 pm rolls around, I had school the next day so I start getting ready for bed. My mother walks into my room at 1:30 am and tells me Johnny had died from a heartattack and his landlord found him in his apartment. All I kept thinking about was me ignoring his call earlier in the night. I felt horrible. Maybe he was calling to ask my dad for a ride to the hospital because he was having chest pains, maybe he was on the floor unable to move just calling for someone to come help him and I ignored the call. I missed school the next day and also the day of his funeral. I felt like it was my fault. I felt like Johnny had done all this work to make his life better and then this happens and his second shot at living life and being responsible and independent was over and it was all my fault.

The visitors at the funeral home consisted of my entire family and some local people that knew Johnny and his mother when she was alive. Johnny had an aunt and a cousin that actually came to the funeral as well. They gave Johnny’s flag to his aunt, she then got up out of her chair and handed the flag to my father. She said he had done more for Johnny in one year than she had done in her whole life.

Meeting and knowing Johnny changed my life. Not in a big or monumental way but it changed the way I see people. The whole saying “don’t judge a book by its cover” really kicked in. It showed me how outgoing and caring my parents are to people in need and I hope to one day be able to change someone’s life for the better. I know Johnny didn’t have any regrets and that the last year of his life was a good one. I just only wish I had answered his call.

Ambidextrous

I’ve never felt so alone in a place in my life…

Even when I’m around my peers, I stand alone…

They don’t know me, work doesn’t know me, fate doesn’t even know me…

No one knows me, as I’m so different…

Ironically, I live in a place where being different is the norm…

My walk and talk is nothing like they’ve ever seen…

They mis-take my words for things they don’t really mean…

The dress game is clean, but I stick out like a thorn…

And I’m not trying to be a prick, but they’re trying to draw blood…

Trying to be what they see on TV or just live in a “hood” demeanor…

I’m just temporarily parking, so I continue you to feed the meter…

With diction so pure, I deliver words to my peers…

Accents spit back speaking these words I never hear…

I continue to take strides and accentuate my future…

But why here? Where new faces even tell bold lies…

So each night, I go home and live in this solitude…

Waiting, wanting, and needing to find a place to just be understood…

I don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb…

All numb, useless to the other digits…

So I need to look on the other side and find that left hand type of people…

A force that forms that rare case of ambidextrous type of equal…

O-M-G!

I just got done watching the Tyra show and WOW! She had atleast 18 girls, ages ranging from 12-17. Half of them were pregnant and the other half WANTED TO BE PREGNANT! It was ridiculous and these girls sounded so stupid. One girl was talking about how she wanted to get pregnant so it would bring her and her EX-BOYFRIEND closer together when the dude said flat out he doesnt want a baby now or in the future. But she said she’s gonna still try and get pregnant. I was never this stupid when I was 12-17 and having babies was the LAST thing on my mind. Like I can see if you get pregnant as a teenager, cuz everyone makes mistakes and stuff and I definitely commend those that KEEP the babies. Thats very honorable. But to actually want to be pregnant. I think the reason for this is their parents treat them too good and they think if they get pregnant that mom and dad are just gonna let them stay in the house as long as they need to and pay for shit. If they knew going into it that mom was gonna kick them out the house, I BET they wouldnt want a baby anymore, or if they knew it cost like, what, $11,000+ to raise a baby in the first year alone. And then some retarded ass bitch said that she got pregnant cuz she “could get on welfare and in my state they give you an apartment to live in thats paid for and I could just go to school and bring my baby with me and then get a job and stuff and not have to live under my mom’s rules.” Tyra snapped back like “oh no, mom has rules? Thats horrible.” I was like YEAHHHH tell em T. Grandma and I were in shockkk watching this show. One reason because I have 2 younger sisters, 11 and 13, and to think of them having sex or even them thinking about being pregnant scares me. Immediately after watching the show I texted my sister Rachel. All I said was “If I find out that you even hug a boy, I’m taking back the clothes I got you for christmas.” That in itself scared her I could tell cuz she replied, “why would you do something like that to me?” LOL. But anyways… moving on….

How about them STILLERSSS?!(Before people try to correct my spelling, thinking I’m an idiot, just know this is how people from Pittsburgh pronounce it) I’m thinking that we’re about to get that 6th superbowl win. I kinda doubted them in the middle of the season, and you never know about Big Ben. Yes, he’s a cry baby. But he definitely gets the job done and I’m sure that the steelers will beat on the Cardinals. Without a doubt in my mind. Only thing I’m worried about is getting home in time for the Superbowl parade after we do win.

On Sunday I went to the DooDa parade. Ask me if it was worth it and I’ll tell you I shoulda stayed in bed or atleast stayed home to watch the Eagles get shit on by the Cardinals. It was like a parody of the Rose Bowl parade and obviously people take this parade very seriously. We got there a good hour before the parade and the streets were filled. So we just kinda chilled in the back and sat on benches and I got to take pictures of palm trees. It was cool though. The weather was nice. OMG and there was this dude that was kinda dressed up looking like a mime. His face was painted and he had on all black with white gloves and one of those little french lookin hats and he was carrying around signs but the sign ontop said “Katie you look like shit.” I see him walk across the street and he starts running or else I would have tried to get a picture with him. I have no idea what the sign was for or who it was for but it was hilarious and I felt like it was some kind of message from God telling me that I should have taken more time to get ready that morning. But oh well… We all have our days I guess…

As a Woman

As a woman, I have no reason to cheat,
I have no reason to lie, but I may protect you from the truth…
Because as a woman, If I entrust myself in him, waves should reciprocate,
No bullshit should utter from my lips…

As a woman, I should be seen as a role model,
If not only for me and the man I love, but for all humanity…
Because as a woman, I stand tall to make my man’s worth known,
And even when he’s down, he should know at the end of day, I’m real…

As a woman, I have no reason not to be real with my man,
Cause if I’m feeling you, then you’re feeling my world…
Because as a woman, my love supplies truth, with care and happiness,
Sarcasm may ensue, but that’s just me….

As a woman, I shall give you the smaller things in life,
Meaningful things that aren’t so material…
Because as a woman, it’s still my love at the end of the day that will make you smile,
And only as a woman, I stand before thee prepared to stand up and do what need be…

What Good is Family If….

… They dont take you with them to meet famous people that you really like?

I was just on Facebook and a cousin of mine was out in LA doing some video shoot for some girl last weekend. So he got the pics on facebook or whatever. So I’m looking and all of a sudden I see that he met Phonte from Little Brother. Hes like my favorite!.. I call up this betch like “wtf? you couldnt call me up and tell me to marion jones my ass to where you were?” And then he gives me a whole long story about how he didnt know he was gonna be there and stuff. But still… wow! Well when I meet Jessica Alba, he’ll be the last person I hit up!

"Theres no Lil Wayne or T-Pain in my vains."

So I havent known what to blog about lately besides the usual of hating California. But umm.. My boo sent me this new song by Saigon. I’m not a big fan but this song is amazing. I never really liked his music too much but he’s soooo real in every interview he does.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpnUuiD0Q6E

Theres the link. I dunno how to post the actual video cuz it wouldnt let me but what-ev… Thats all for now…

Umm.. Pardon me!

I try to put pictures for all my blogs but this doesnt need one. I’ve seen a lot of the blogs that I’m following talkin about how they beat on dudes in basketball. But yall cant see me on the court. I might break your ankles! All 5’4 and 3 quarters of me will throw 3’s in your face… Just lettin yall know….

Looking like a MURDERER!

Apparently, I look somewhat like Casey Anthony, the woman who lost her daughter and most likely killed her. I was at the airport today. Laid over in ATL. CNN was on the tv and there was a commercial about a show they are doing on Kaylee Anthony and they show a picture and court room footage of Casey Anthony and automatically 7-10 people just turn and look at me. Just staring hard as hell. My own mother thinks I look like this woman. Some old ass woman sits next to me and was like, “you know I have to ask.. how many times have you heard that you look like that woman that lost her daughter Kaylee?” I just rolled my eyes and pretended I didnt hear her cause of my headphones. BLAH!..

So that was kinda embarrassing and what not. But then I was just sitting reading this crazy ass Dean Koontz book called Velocity, and just kinda people watching. Women were like walkin in the airport in heels. Like, who are you trying to impress? When I go to the airport, its stricly comfortable clothes and sneakers, but whatever. It was funny to watch people running for their flights. At one point during the morning there was like a family of 5 or 6 people running down the busy corridor of the airport. I sure hope they made it. And tell me why food and stuff is so damn expensive in the airport! O-M-G!.. breakin my broken pockets. And my headphones weren’t loud enough to drowned out non-sense that I didnt feel like hearing.

But I’m back in Cali. I’m not gonna complain about it anymore. I’m just gonna get outta here. The only reason I’m here is cause my aunt asked me to move with her. It sounded like a good idea at first but it wasnt. Stupid idea. And the only reason I didnt just stay home after christmas was cause I dont know how to tell my aunt that I dont wanna stay out here anymore. But I cant just stay here cause it makes her happy. I gotta do me, ya dig? So yeahhh.. I’m listening to Lauryn Hill, the MTV Unplugged albums. I haven’t listened to them in a while. Its actually a very powerful album, or albums, both 1 and 2.

I guess I’m gonna go finish up this book and get to bed. Jetlag is a bitch!